


for you, i'll be brave (we'll brave this world together)

by mehan kartik (daydreamingstoryteller)



Series: we may be the first to fall [1]
Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Author says Sorry, Basically everyone is involved a little bit, But mostly the bulk is Aman's point of view, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, IM SORRY THIS HURTS, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:46:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23081932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daydreamingstoryteller/pseuds/mehan%20kartik
Summary: The Scene from the Climax. Aman is getting married to Kusum and this is what he's going through and what happens after.
Relationships: Kartik Singh & Goggle Tripathi, Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi
Series: we may be the first to fall [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1690273
Comments: 25
Kudos: 60





	for you, i'll be brave (we'll brave this world together)

**Author's Note:**

> IM SORRY DONT MURDER ME, IM ALR CRYING FRM WRITING THIS

Aman doesn't know what to do. He's as clueless now as he was yesterday watching Kartik get beat up and the days before, when his father threatened him with suicide. How does he deal with this? His heart is tearing apart at the thought of what he's going to do. 

In less than an hour, he was going to be married to Kusam. And as much as he would hate to admit it to himself, Kartik was right. It didn't matter that theirs was going to be a fake marriage, because it would be real to everyone else. And even if that wasn't an issue, this marriage clearly was an issue for Kartik. 

Thinking about Kartik makes Aman's breath stop. He remembers the tears in Kartik's eyes as he begged him to not go through with this marriage. Aman swears to himself that was the most painful moment of his entire life. Standing right in front of him was the person he wanted to be beside; the person he wanted to live and die with. But even though they were so close to each other with barely any semblance of personal space, it had felt like they'd never been further away. Worse was the way Kartik begged him. He didn't do it with words, - no he never did talk about his feelings - but he did it with each look, each tear, and each movement of his face. Kartik's body language was a language of its own and Aman had always been able to read it. Aman was probably the only one who could. 

Kartik had begged Aman with everything he had - all of his love, devotion, and hopes - and yet all Aman could do was ask him to leave. Because what else could he do? He knew he'd end up here one way or another. Being pulled like a string on both ends. One tied to his family's love and his mother's tears but the other tied together with Kartik's very soul. He knww he'd end up getting ripped to pieces if he tried to choose.That's the reason why he never wanted to bring Kartik home in the first place. 

But Kartik had begged to come and Aman had relented. He couldn't deny that yearning in Kartik's eyes. But now, Kartik is begging again and Aman can't give him what they both so desperately want. Aman's heart twists at the realization that this was it. No more lazy bike rides, no more early mornings filled with laughter. No more Aman and Kartik. 

The jolt of the horse he's riding on brings Aman back from his thoughts. He looks up just in time to see Kartik talking to his dad. A look of confusion overtakes his face. What is Kartik doing? Is he trying to stop this wedding? Aman wishes that his brave boyfriend would do something. But when he sees Kartik leave and run up the stairs, he knows that it's really it. Kartik's done fighting. 

Aman couldn't really blame Kartik either. It wasn't Kartik's fault that Aman was terrified. It wasn't his fault that Aman was too scared to put up a fight, to go up against his dad, his family, to fight for his love and his happy ending. 

Kartik was always the one fighting for them. But Kartik was done. And Aman, Aman knew he had to step up. He knew that it was his turn to fight. Because Kartik did all he could already. He knew it was now all on him to keep their love afloat. But. Aman just didn't know how. And what he knew how to do, he was too afraid to start. He was just too scared to face the consequences if he does. 

By the time Aman is seated in front of the mandap, he's lost all track of time. He doesn't even know if Kartik is still around. He saw him go up the stairs, but never once did Kartik turn around to look at him. And Aman didn't notice if he'd left or not. 

He doesn't know what would be worse. Kartik having given up on him- on them- and having left the house or - or Kartik locking himself up in the room and watching Aman get married from afar. Either way, Aman knew he was breaking the one most important promise he had made to himself. The promise that he'd never hurt Kartik or abandon him like the others before. 

But in reality, he'd already broken that promise the moment he'd agreed to this marriage in the first place. 

And how could Aman even remotely blame Kartik when he was the one that's been a coward.He can't blame Kartik for running because it's Aman who had run first. And it's Aman that's still running...

And here he is. Sitting down, dressed up in wedding garb, staring silently at the fire burning in front of him. He doesn't look up at anyone or anything, keeping his head bowed down in shame and guilt. And also because he can't bear the thought of looking up and seeing pain-filled eyes watching him. Or maybe he'd look up and not see Kartik anywhere. Either way it'll hurt like hell. So aman does what he's done best all his life. Keep quiet, listen to his dad and just stare ahead, trying not to drown in his sorrow. 

He keeps watching the flames flicker higher and higher, and he doesn't look away. He vaguely hears his mom asking someone to go get the bride. His heart twinges at the word 'bride'. That's not right. It wasn't supposed to be anyone but Kartik by his side. He never believed in marriage or soulmates before. But that was before Kartik. Kartik is the only one that belongs beside him and Aman knows deep in his soul. 

But it's too late now. 

Aman stares at the fire, feeling the heat on his face, but his focus is on the pain, longing and despair burning inside him instead. He stares and he stares. Not moving, not twitching. Not giving a single expression away, lest someone looks at the shame and guilt that's so clearly there. He keeps still as he feels someone sits beside him. He sees a red sari out of the corner of his eye and he doesn't know why he still had hope that something might happen but. That hope's all gone now. 

So he just stares at the flames and pretends that it's the smoke from the fire that's causing the tears in his eyes. 

He's vaguely aware of some commotion going around him. Some whispers here and there. He doesn't pay attention to it. Because none of them are Kartik's voice. He wishes he can talk to Kartik one more time. One more time as just them. As Kartik and Aman. Before there's no 'them' anymore. 

It's a hopeless wish now. 

As the mantras start, he listens to the pandit's words but he's like a robot. He does what he's told to do emotionlessly as his heart and mind wander back to thoughts of Kartik. He wonders if Kartik is still here. He worries that Kartik isn't. But what terrifies him the most is the thought that he'd return back to Delhi, only to be met with a half-empty house. Abandoned, like how Aman had abandoned his love. 

He doesn't think he could survive that. Coming home (is it even home when they're not there together?) to a house empty of Kartik's things, empty of Kartik's endless energy and clutter, empty of everything except the memories of happy days.... And bringing Kusam there --

the thought almost makes Aman vomit. 

How could he live alone in an empty house without the person that made it a home? How could he just accept that from here on out, he would be alone, stuck in a situation that was the reason for his heartbreak? 

.

.

No. 

Aman decided he couldn't bear it. He's tried so so hard to make everyone happy. He's done so much to make sacrifices and keep being silent about his own wishes for everyone's sake. But this time, he's not just sacrificing his own life, but he's giving up Kartik's too. He couldn't do it. 

At that time it made sense. He couldn't bear to see Kartik get hurt, especially by a family Kartik so desperately yearned to be a part of. So he'd agreed to this. But now he's realizing how much more pain he's inflicting on Kartik just by doing this. He thought he'd spare them the pain but he's just denying them all that they could have. 

It was like a switch had gone off inside Aman. He snapped out of the sorrowful trance he'd been in for days and finally found some courage within him to fight. He had to find Kartik. He had to beg for forgiveness. But first, he had to get out of this mandap and find Kartik before the curfew sets it. He's about to get up, shaadi be damned, it's not like Kusam wants this anyway - but before he can, Goggle is putting a hand on his shoulder grabbing him. 

Aman is confused. What is she trying to do here? He was about to nudge her hand off and get up when Goggle herself asks the panditji to hurry up. 

Aman's heart stops. His sister has never betrayed him before. She's the only one who's ever stood by his side, who had kept all his secrets. Since childhood. What the hell is she doing now? 

He's so surprised that he doesn't even notice himself standing up together with Kusum. His focus is on Goggle who's now helping Kusum up. 

He's so shocked that he momentarily forgets what he was going to do. And in that moment, they start the pheras. Aman is still eyeing Goggle. He's trying to get her attention, to ask for help in stopping the wedding but she's not looking at him. She's helping Kusum with the pheras and Aman doesn't know what to do again. He tries to look at others for help but no one wants to look at Aman. They all feel some form of guilt and sadness for what they're doing to Aman. 

The only one who seems to be looking at them is Aman's dad. But he has a frown in his face, and he slowly gets up from his chair and walks towards them. He looks like he's about to say something.

Aman wants to hope and believe that finally, his dad is going to be the hero and stop this wedding, but he's been let down so much before that he doesn't want to believe it. Still, he looks at his dad. He looks at the frown on his face deepen, and sees his face get determined. For a second his dad locks eyes with Aman and it feels like they both shared a thousand indescribable emotions in that one moment. 

Aman watches transfixed as his dad finally raises his hand and opens his mouth to say, 

"yeh shaadi -"

"Katham hogayi" completed the pandit. 

  
  
  


Aman froze. 

He'd been so caught up in his dad that he'd forgot -

He forgot that he was going to - 

He - 

Oh god he's married. He's married and it's not to Kartik but to someone else but it doesn't matter who because it's not Kartik. 

How was he going to face Kartik after this? How was he going to look at Kartik, knowing that he's the reason for their destruction? How was Kartik even going to take him back after how much of a coward he had been? 

And. And even if Kartik did take him back - which Aman doesn't deserve - how were they going to live life together knowing that their relationship had a sense of wrongness about it to everyone else. 

Before this, people had still labeled their relationship as wrong but at least they could brush it off as people not understanding their love. But now. Now Aman's married. It's a fake marriage yes, but to the rest of the world, it was real. It was real and any relationship he might have with Kartik will always be tainted by the fact that he's married and that's -

That's not something Aman could bear to do to Kartik. Never. Even though their love was sincere, it would never be in the eyes of the world and -

Oh god, he's only just realizing that he didn't think this through. What was he going to do? He destroyed the one good thing in his life, the reason he smiles every day. He took that beautiful light and he ruined it with his own cowardness and fear. 

Aman doesn't realize he's slumped agaisnt a piller until he feels arms grabbing him and hauling him to his feet. 

He looks up with tears streaming down his eyes and sees Goggle holding him up. Everyone's surprised to see Aman cry. They've never seen him cry or even shed a tear. He's always been the composed one, the steady and reliable one but today, he's had enough. 

All the years of pent up fear, longing and frustration had reached a point of no return. So there, in his sister's arms, Aman broke down. He pushed Goggle's hands away as he tried to leave the madap. Goggle stopped him by grabbing his hand. 

"Aman suno - "

Aman turned around to her with red eyes and glared as he said "i thought u were on my side. I was going to stop this wedding and you saw it. But instead of helping me you rushed everything. I never thought you'd betray me like this"

He pushes Goggle's hands away from him, wiping his eyes and he turns again to leave when Goggle starts again. "AMAN listen, it's not my fault that you were -" 

Aman turns around again. "What? Not your fault that i was a coward? I know that ok?" He almost starts yelling. Everyone is looking at him now, shocked speechless. "I know that i messed up because i was scared. But i wanted to make up for it. I was going to stop the wedding and i needed your help but you - "

"She was helping me." A voice cuts in between. Aman halts. He doesn't think it's real. Because that's Kartik's voice and Kartik isn't here. Kartik can't be here, Kartik is - 

Kartik is removing the sari that's tied around him and he's there. He's right in front of Aman, looking at him with watery eyes but also filled with so much love and it steals Aman's breath away. For a second Aman wonders if he’s dreaming. But then Kartik is looking at him with that much love and happiness and pain and he knows he can’t be dreaming. Even his dreams can’t recreate that much of a beautiful sight. 

"Sorry baby. Goggle wasn't betraying you she was just helping me. Helping us" Kartik says softly as he reaches out to grab Aman's hands. 

Aman vaguely registers the mehendi on Kartik's hands and how pretty they look before he's launching himself into Kartik's arms. He doesn’t care that everyone's watching - not caring is what led them into this mess anyway. He doesn’t care about anything anymore except the beautiful ray of sunshine he’s holding in his arms. It’s Kartik. His Kartik. Aman hasn’t lost him yet. He hasn’t lost everything that he holds dear. In fact he’s actually holding it in his arms right now. His entire world. Aman can’t stop the tears from coming down. He’s given up too much of himself in fear of the world and his family’s rejection and he’s lost too much. He won’t lose this again. He will fight the entire world if he has to. He was never going to make the same mistake twice. 

And Kartik is just as bad as Aman. He couldn’t bear to see his strong boyfriend break down and cry in front of everyone. It scared KArtik to the core when Aman began to push away from everyone and start crying. He couldn’t believe how much pain he saw in Aman’s eyes. He knew Aman loved him, but to see him mourn what he thought was their end, made him overflow with heart-wrenching pain. 

But it’s over now. It was all okay because they were both in each other’s arms. They were there in each other’s safest place. And standing there on the mandap, in front of all the family and relatives they had just gotten  _ married  _ in front of - they were so happy, and content. 

Aman slowly lifts his head from where he rests it on Kartik’s chest. He looks at Kartik and just starts saying ‘i’m sorry kartik, I’m so so sorry. Please mujhe maarf karto” and Kartik just shushs him. 

“It’s ok baby. It’s ok. It’s not your fault. It’s okay.” and Aman wants to say no, and tell him that it was all his fault but the look he gets from Kartik shows that that isn’t a topic that is up for debate right now. 

Aman takes a shuddering breath and thinks to himself on how lucky he was to get such an amazing human being like Kartik as his love. He still doesn't feel like he deserves it but he knows he'll spend the rest of his life making sure this man doesn't know anything but happiness. 

And that's when the full realization sinks in for Aman that he was married. TO KARTIK.

He let's go of Kartik for a second to process the information. 

"kartik. Kartik we're married!!" He yells excitedly and Kartik is trying his best not to cry again with how happy he is looking at his husband's excitement. Kartik just nods with a smile that's growing by the second. The two just stare at each other for a while, forgetting that the rest of the world exist. 

Until Goggle breaks their moment. "ayre yar. Now that all this drama is over, can we go eat now? Shaadi katham hogayi. Let's go eat na?" 

And Kartik and Aman turn to look at her and Aman goes up to hug her. 'Sorry for yelling at you. Thanks so much Rajni" he whispers into her ear. 

"Who else is going to save you from your idiotic decisions huh?" She teases back. "Okay but really, i was so worried we were going to be found out. I can't believe that everyone was too dumb to notice" 

And as she says this, the rest of the tripathi clan, apart from Shankar all look around, not meeting each other's eyes. 

Kartik gasps. "You all knew? That it was me?" He asks when he sees the looks on their face. 

After a beta of silence, Chachi sighs. "arey we're not all stupid beta. We could tell within a few minutes already." Everyone else nods along.

Kartik and Aman are speechless. "And you didn't stop the wedding?" Aman asks, a little bit of hope seeping back in. Hope that they will be accepted. 

It's his mom that speaks this time. "We never want you to be in pain beta. We're sorry we tried to force you into this. But."

"But we made a mistake and we're sorry. " It's Aman's dad that finishes it. Shankar slowly walks up to the two and turns to Kartik first. "I. I don't know if I'll ever understand this. But you make my son happier than I've ever seen him. And you make this family more lively and make it feel more like a home. So whether or not you can forgive me, you'll always have a place in this house and family." And before he turns to Aman, Kartik is there hugging Shankar fiercely. Seeing this, Aman also joins in. There was more to be said but right then, the three of them just stood there hugging. Talking could come later. 

And finally, when they break apart, they immediately turn to each other. Smiling the biggest smiles they've ever smiled, they just throw themselves into each other. And once again, Aman grabs Kartik and pulls him in for a long long kiss.

And this time there's flowers thrown at them again, and they're kissing in front of the entire family again at a wedding, but. This time it's their wedding. And this time, everything's perfect.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> sorry *runs away to hide after killing everyone
> 
> ALSO BONUS SCENE I DIDNT GET TO WRITE:  
> Kusum gets caught again and she's brought home with the jewelry. And Aman and Kartik almost get arrested because some random stranger said that Kusum only ran away cus Aman was gay. So they had to arrest the two boys but Kusum is like "no! Thant's crazy, did anyone of us tell you they're gay? I didn't run away cus Aman was gay, i ran away cus i love Rakesh!" and yea basically Kusum also helps Aman and Kartik ithout question because everyone wants the two of them to be together. 
> 
> OK BYE DONT KILL ME


End file.
